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ETIQUETTES OF THE FIRST NIGHT

In the ideal Islamic situation, the husband and wife will most probably be total strangers to each other, having no kind of personal contact with each other previously due to the strict laws of hijab and pardah in the Shariah,. Coupled with this feeling of strangeness are the natural constraints of haya and modesty, that form an integral part of Imaan. Under the particular circumstances it is quite natural that both the husband and wife will be extremely bashful of each other and under considerable strain and anxiety.

In order to “break the ice”, they firstly greet each other with the traditional Islamic greetings of salaam. Thereafter the husband should gently place his right hand on his bride’s forehead and recite

Translation:- “O Allah! I ask you of her goodness, the good within her and the goodness upon which she was created. I seek Your protection from her evil, the evil within her and the evil upon which she was created”.

Thereafter, wudhu and two rakats of salatul-Hajah maybe offered as a token of gratitude and thereby requesting assistance from Allah (Rabbul-Izzrat) for a successful and blessed marriage, pious offspring etc.

Thereafter, they may read some Deeni literature to each other particularly on the topic of Nikah, etc. In this regard Kitabun-Nikah, Hayatul-Muslimeen, etc are excellent material to study. If time and opportunity permits, this booklet should be read from cover to cover once at least on the first night.

One point of great importance that many newly wed, inexperienced men overlook is the importance of extreme gentleness and tenderness on the first night and during the first sexual encounter. Many are under the false notion that gentleness is against “manliness” and the harm and damage that is done to the relationship on the first night due to this foolish notion, has it’s impact on the marriage for months and years to come. During the initial stages of sexual union a virgin generally undergoes considerable anxiety and pain, which results in fear. During such a time the husband must take great care and consideration in his movements and behaviour towards his bride.

One more point of caution to the husband is never to harbour unnecessary suspicions against the wife if for some reason it “appeared” that she was not a virgin. This is a sin. It is forbidden to harbour ill-thoughts about the next Muslim merely on the basis of such conjectures. And worse still is to make her a target of abuse and oppression on this ground. This is Zulm(oppression) and a major sin. There are many reasons a girl could lose her “hymen”, the tissue of virginity-reasons that could be substantiated medically such as heavy flows during menstruation, illness, falling, jumping excessive, horse-riding, certain sporting activities, ageing etc.

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